"Authentic" California Lawsuits

California, Open Your Golden Gates!


The National Chamber of Commerce has named California as the worst state in the nation in terms of legal troubles for business. Apparently, the gold in the Golden State is going to lawyers. The Chamber claims many lawyers are flocking to California as other states tighten up requirements to go after companies in court. The state motto, "Eureka! I've found it!", is one attorneys are taking to heart! Now, though, the Chamber is suggesting a different motto, with apologies to Missouri: "Welcome to California, the Sue-You State."

Health Hath No Fury Like a Nanny Scorned

A judge says L.A. billionaire Ron Burkle's former nanny can go ahead and sue him on claims of malicious prosecution. The nanny reportedly helped raise Burkle's kids for 12 years before he and his wife divorced. She's suing Burkle for allegedly accusing her of charging $17,000 to his credit card for stuff he didn't approve. Like getting his SUV serviced. The one she drove his son around in. At least that's what the lawsuit claims.

Word Alert: "Authentic" is Fake

Every consultant or marketer or Six Sigma Black Belt candidate is using the word "authentic." It's like when everyone used to say "closure" or "at the end of the day." Everything and everyone is striving to be "authentic." As if we have to WORK to be genuine. As if the word "real" is too short for someone demanding a six-figure salary. People who say "authentic" make me feel they are... not. Recently, I asked the head of marketing of a major retailer why a certain line of products had been discontinued. She said, "I can't answer authentically, as I wasn't at the company at the time." You can't answer authentically? Wha-?? How about, "Don't know, wasn't here"?

Email me your favorite consultant-speak/corporate lingo phrases, especially those that turn one-syllable words into ten-syllable moronic phrases. funnybusiness@cnbc.com