This is awesome! Fake Jane has learned that Mariah Carey has allegedly married Nick Cannon, who's eleven years younger than she is (though her new hubby reportedly re-gifted her engagement ring from his previous fiancée--not a good sign). AND "NO TIME" FOR A PRENUP!
Carey is now officially a "Cougar," as described in the film "Oceans 13," which FJ loves because it stars several men. A "Cougar" is an older woman who goes after younger men. FJ is a charter member of the Cougar Nation. In fact, Fake Jane's fellow Cougar, Fake Mary, has come up with a "Cougar Cheer":
Give me a "C," give me an "O", give me a "U-G-A-R",
Give me a man who is "Y-O-U-N-G-E-R"!
Cougars may be older,
But it doesn't mean we're colder!
We're the Cougars, on the prowl,
Looking for a man who doesn't have a jowl!
We want hair on the head, not on the back.
Money we've got, it's lovin' we lack!
GOOOOOOOO COUGARS!
Meantime, speaking of lame, attached is our latest installment on how to spend your tax rebate, starring Real Jane. Once again, you should never share the stage with kids, they steal the scene every time. (And catch the special appearance by my colleague Julia Boorstin).
