I'm flying to Des Moines to report live Friday from the World Pork Expo!
Speaking of swine, let's turn to politics.
I'm just going to let the following press release speak for itself:
"Bill Clinton’s often bizarre behavior on the Hillary Clinton campaign trail has generated as much controversy as it has speculation. But what if – unlike the former President’s adultery over the years – these behavioral aberrations are a direct consequence of his heart bypass surgery and therefore truly beyond his control?
Consider this telling excerpt from a recent piece by veteran physician Dr. John McDougall (a Bill Clinton admirer, actually) offering his take on the under-reported connection between heart bypass surgery and brain damage:
"One of the best-kept secrets in medicine is the brain damage caused during bypass surgery. During my 40 years of medical practice I have never heard a doctor warn a patient before bypass surgery that an expected complication is memory loss...these well-recognized side effects have been reported in medical journals since 1969…A long-overdue explanation would help [the Former President’s] adoring public more easily accept his mistakes and readily forgive him. It is not your fault, Mr. Clinton."
The former President is brain-damaged? Maybe it wasn't the surgery. Maybe someone who happens to be a Senator from New York hit him over the head because of "the former President’s adultery over the years."
Speaking of adultery...
WHERE'S THE LAKER LOVE?
I've grown up watching Chamberlain-West, Jabbar-Johnson, and now Kobe-Kobe.
To see the Lakers match up against the Celtics again brings back so many happy and heartbreaking memories.
And yet, as Game 1 approaches, in the last 24 hours I've seen only three Lakers flags flying from cars on LA's jammed freeways. Three. Back when the team was last winning championships, the 101 and 405 were drenched in flapping currents of purple and gold. Why not now? Of course, that was back when Shaq was the heart of the team, before Jerry Buss dumped him to please Kobe Bryant. And before Bryant ended up in trouble for what was, at the very least, adultery. Times have changed.
FINALLY, ANOTHER FLYING FIRST
On the first leg of my trip this morning I was nodding off, when from the cockpit I heard an announcement from the American Airlines captain I've never heard before. After talking about flight time and weather, he suddenly said, "We know some of you are concerned about flying. Let me tell you that American is an active participant in the Federal Air Marshal Program and the Federal Flight Deck Program...we are committed to your safety." Ok. So, what, does that mean he has a gun and just wanted to let us know? Was this some sort of code to a marshal? Was he signaling a warning to a specific passenger? My mind started reeling, especially when he added that we should, "be sure to help our flight crew if asked." Geez, who could sleep after that?
Qustions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email firstname.lastname@example.org