The Business of Exploiting Charlie Sheen

He's everywhere.

Like smog in Los Angeles on an August afternoon, everywhere you turn, you see it—news about Charlie Sheen. Even Roseanne Barrsays Sheen's shenanigans make her look sane, (though she's no fan of Chuck Lorre).

Source: Bluewater Productions

Also omnipresent are those hoping to cash in.

You've already heard that got a whopping 74,000 applications to be Sheen's intern after they sponsored his tweet.

Others trying to make a few bucks off Sheen's escapades include—once again!—Bluewater Comics, coming out with its own Sheen graphic novel this summer (we'll have to see how "graphic" it is).

"As I am writing this I am constantly aware of what could change at the last possible minute," says the comic book's author, Mark Shapiro. "This is when comic book writing is more like journalism."

Oh, really...

Well, when one really is a journalist, PR types rise up to pitch you a tidal wave of ideas promoting an angle on the Sheen saga, hoping to use the notoriety to highlight their clients' businesses.

Here are a few examples:

"I work with a neurologist and addiction specialist who can give viewers some insight about what might be going on in his head, and if he really is sick," saysa pitch for a Dr. Eric Braverman. Oh, Dr. Braverman, I think we can figure that out on our own.

From doctors to lawyers...

"Crisis Attorney Says that Galliano Crossed a Line That Could Not Be Ignored, Much Like Charlie Sheen," screams an email pitchthat masterfully combines BOTH Sheen AND fired designer John Galliano. This is what law school is for! Maximizing options! The pitch promotes crisis attorney William Moran of McCarter & English, who says Galliano's suspension by Dior "is a necessary precaution...there are some lines that a superior cannot ignore when crossed. Much like the CBS v. Charlie Sheen fracas, a principle must sometimes be upheld, even at the risk of loss of revenue, when it comes to longevity of a brand name."

This following pitch was a bit of a stretch.

"I thought you might be interested in his perspective on the 'brandability' of Charlie Sheen," says an email pitching Green Lights Rights, a company which works to get clearance rights for clients to use music, film or tv clips. Not really sure what this has to do with Charlie Sheen, but...

The pitch says company VP David Reeder believes brands interested in Sheen should be careful, "given that the public perception appears to be headed in the direction of declaring Sheen to have jumped the shark." Appears to be? Reeders says Sheen's best chances in the advertising world right now would most likely be in " it in categories like booze, energy drinks, cigarettes - basically all the traditional taboo categories that might find it a challenge to book a legit (sane) celebrity to front their product."

This one made me laugh. "Charlie Sheen Sound Bites Are All the Rage; Reports Skyrocketing Interest," declares a press releasefrom a website which will let you post and listen to every crazy thing Charlie's been saying, just in case you can't get enough of comments like, "It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don't have time for these clowns."

Had enough? Screaming "uncle" yet?

Well, if you can't take it anymore, there is a website which will let you download a browser to block "Charlie Sheen" from your internet surfing. "Sorry Charlie," the website says, "but it is time to leave the Internet and go back to your porn family."

I have to admit I didn't download it yet. I still haven't reached my limit on warlock winning.

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