CSI: Miami, The Funny Years

David Caruso of CSI: Miami
Source: Facebook
David Caruso of CSI: Miami

It’s saying something in television when a program lasts a decade. “CSI: Miami” has done just that for CBS .

Would that milestone please Horatio Caine, the Miami crime solver played by David Caruso? "When you have everything, sometimes it feels like nothing."

That kind of snappy writing, paired with Caruso's sledgehammer delivery, have made Caine a TV legend.

But where does such a character spring from? What is Horatio's back story?

Now we know. Hypervocal.com, a website filled with news and parodies, has started a series of short videos called "Horatio: The Early Years."

In Episode I, a Kindergarten Caine and his crew investigate "a game of ring around the rosie gone wrong." After the crime is re-enacted, Caine (played by 5-year-old Blake Sohmer) puts on his glasses and utters this zinger: "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."

Cue Roger Daltrey screaming “YEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

It gets better. Episode II is titled, "The Cootie Shot,"and I literally spit out my grande-nonfat-two-shot-no-foam-mocha laughing.

I decided to hunt down the criminal genius behind the videos, though I feared that, to quote Horatio, "You lie down with the Devil, you wake up in Hell".

Finding the guy behind the videos was easier than solving a Miami mob hit while putting on sunglasses.

"The inspiration (for the videos) was both Caruso's pun-heavy legacy and the Internet meme that's grown around it," says Slade Sohmer, who launched Hypervocal 15 months ago. "One day I was thinking about the Caruso schtick, and I realized my nephew could be the perfect Young Horatio for a series of prequel videos." Young Blake Sohmer does have red hair and a knack for deadpan humor, while co-star Hailey Shapiro is a potential scene-stealer.

The parodies are Sohmer’s first attempt to expand HyperVocal into original videos. He brought in the creative team behind the hilarious "The Man Without a Facebook,"to develop the idea. "We met for a few weeks, hammered out about 10 scripts, hired a mini-crew, corralled a few of Blake's friends...and shot four of them in one grueling, exhausting, hilarious, satisfying day." The whole operation cost a little over $1,000. "Reaction has been 100% positive."

I asked if Blake, who turns 6 in March, has ever actually seen Horatio Caine in action. "Blake has seen YouTube clips of the show, but it's a little too gory and somewhat seizure-inducing for a child."

The next two videos will roll out soon. What would Sohmer tell David Caruso if he could show the actor his spoofs? "Put that gun down, Mr. Caruso, it was only a joke. I'm sorry!"

Whether the videos can help take HyperVocal to the next level is a mystery yet to be solved. As Horatio Caine says, "The verdict is in...but the jury is out." (Pause a beat, then blast “The Who”: "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!")

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