Donald Trump promises "something big" Wednesday, a potential game changer about President Barack Obama. It's going to be huge, or, "Yuuuuge," as the Donald would say.
Timothy Clary | AFP | Getty Images
Donald Trump
The rumors are already all over the Internet. Drugs? Marital problems? More about the birth certificate? Inappropriate contact with Big Bird? (Read More: Trump Promises 'Very Big' Political Bombshell Wednesday.)
Here at Funny Business, we have our own ideas. Seeking input from the sharpest knives in the drawer (or bayonets) on Twitter, Facebook, and the CNBC newsroom — admittedly, a small crowd — here are THE BEST GUESSES, THE GREATEST IDEAS TO COME TOGETHER, THE MOST POPULAR SUGGESTIONS EVER IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION FOR THIS THE MOST HIGHLY VIEWED/RATED/TALKED ABOUT BLOG IN THE UNIVERSE, for what Donald Trump will reveal Wednesday.
You heard it here first, folks:
—Hawaii isn't actually part of the U.S.
—The president has secretly hidden horses and bayonets under Trump's combover. (Read More: Obama's 'Horses and Bayonets' Goes Viral.)
—"Obama, you're fired!"
—Joe Biden's hair is not real (Trump should know).
—The president's real name is Obama Bin Laden, just like Bob Schieffer said.
—The president was behind the breakup of Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman.
—The president has outsourced Trump's hair to China.
—There's a Biden sex tape.
—Trump's own birth certificate is fake.
—The president forced Apple to remove Google Maps.
—Trump will build his own damn Navy ships.
—Secret Service agents rarely call 'traveling' on POTUS during White House pickup games.
—The president's golf game sucks.
—The president has an illegitimate son named "Luke Skywalker".
—Trump "reveals" the President's middle name is ... Hussein!!!!
—The president bayoneted Big Bird.
You have to admit, the yellow bird has been strangely silent the last few days…
Thanks to the following for help: @CNBCMelloy, @bullishonbooks, @plainsryan, @JeffDanielsCA, @MyApplePi, @brysown1, Sarah Shannon Treanor, John R. Fox, Ted Kemp, and Martin Steinberg.
—By CNBC's Jane Wells
@janewells
Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com
