"One-third of the remarkable quarter Facebook reported last night came during the first month that Zuckerberg took off to spend with his new daughter, so let's hope he plans on having a very big family," the "Mad Money" host said.
All kidding aside, Facebook had an amazing quarter, and Cramer listed each change that the company made that allowed it to crush earnings.
So, how did Facebook make all of these changes?
One word — mobile. Zuckerberg told his product teams that when they come in for reviews to just come in with mobile. He made it very clear that his mission was for mobile products.
"That is how you get the best new story of the year, if not the decade, which is why Facebook is now the cheapest of the high-growth FANG cohort," Cramer said.
Cramer is saw a massive rotation of stocks happen on Thursday, as investors flocked into groups deemed as safe. In Cramer's view, this was a case of panic mixed with over-ownership, so, it may just be best to buy the best of what is being thrown away.
The most recent group to be obliterated is health care. Many investors had been hiding in these stocks, but political issues and a few missed quarters from companies sent them running.
Cramer doubts that any president will be able to actually pull this off because big pharma has so many friends in Congress. But the rhetoric is still very bad for the industry.
It is also true that every other developed country uses its weight to bargain with drug companies, so taxpayers would be saved a fortune if this happened.
"So, you can understand why these stocks are in such weak hands. The fear is that they might remain weak until the election, so don't even bother owning them," Cramer said.
Another industry that Cramer has on his radar is technology. He often describes Avnet as the largest supermarket of tech on earth, as it is the No. 1 distributor of electronic components, including semiconductors and information technology hardware, software and services.
The company reported on Thursday and posted a 3-cent earnings miss from a $1.25 basis and substantially weaker than expected revenue.
To learn more, Cramer spoke with Avnet's CEO Rick Hamada.
"A miss is a miss, but we show up rain or shine, by the way … there were some silver linings in there, but hey, a miss is a miss," Hamada said.
Plain and simple, Cramer is not happy with the Fed. It was clear to Cramer that the Fed has not listened to anything corporate CEOs and companies have said when it foolishly refused to take a March rate hike off the table on Wednesday.
"All the Fed has done is sacrifice American jobs; they don't know it, yet, because after yesterday's announcement it is clear they haven't been listening to many corporate conference calls," the "Mad Money" host said.
When the Fed raised rates, it caused a spike in the dollar around the globe. That put U.S. international companies at a shocking disadvantage versus where they were before the rate hike.
When Cramer did his homework, he realized that the world is in crisis right now. The only country that can do something about it is the United States, and instead it has decided to crush its international companies and deliberately slow the economy's growth.
"One question for the Federal Reserve, you're doing this in the name of what exactly? Let me know if you can even articulate a reason. I know I sure can't find any," Cramer said.
For those investors that are worried about an economic slowdown in the U.S., Cramer suggested to take a look at utility stocks. This group is completely domestic and has very little economic sensitivity.
American Electric Power (AEP) owns the largest power transmission network in the U.S. and has a large power generation portfolio, serving some 5 million customers in 11 states.
With so many stocks down in 2016, Cramer noted that AEP has rallied 1.6 percent during the new year and has a juicy yield. However, when it reported on Thursday, both sales and earnings came in lighter than expected.
To take a closer look, Cramer spoke with AEP Chairman and CEO Nick Akins.
"All in all, we raised guidance twice during 2015 and rounded up the year firmly within that guidance range even with the 11-cent bogey that we had relative together," Akins said.
In the Lightning Round, Cramer gave his take on a few caller favorite stocks:
T-Mobile: "I'm a buyer of T-Mobile. Why? Because I think John Legere [CEO] is super."
Becton Dickinson & Co: "I have always liked Becton Dickinson, but I am going to see you Becton Dickinson and raise you with Baxter."