Once, when the former hedge fund manager was on a hike, a bear found its way to his tent. Instead of running, Cramer stood his ground and used what he had. He put some M&Ms in a can of Spam to bait the bear, then doused them in Tabasco sauce and ran. The distraction worked, and when the bear tasted the red-hot Tabasco, it ran off.
"Now, I'm not saying you can outrun a bear. You can't. I'm not saying you should let him eat all your food and then hope he doesn't turn on you," Cramer said. "I am saying that you have to be clever. You have to think, 'OK, I'm not going to panic, I'm going to use my head and I'm going to outsmart the darned bear.'"
The same principle can apply to the stock market, the "Mad Money" host said. Here are his three tips for investors to protect their portfolios from being mauled: